Luck be a lady tonight

I havent written one of these in quite sometime and this is not going to sound like a whiny complaint filled blog. No! Things have changed for the better. And I like this so much better. Yeah I am single, but you know, its not that bad when you got people who care for you and also a few people who know how to have a good time! Now there is two people in particular who have made my life just absolutely astounding, while I would actually say quite a few not just two. But these two stick out like a hitch-hikers thumb -- and I like that.

I remember some times in high school that were absolute amazement, especially times with you. And until recently I have realized that "hey, you truly are amazing" feeling again. And for that I am greatful.

To you whom I have known for a little over 2 years now, you amaze me. I am happy we have gotten to where we have from what was not to long ago.

I have made some changes recently and those were sprung from a situation not too long ago. I thank you for your perspective and yet again I am happy for the chance you have granted me. It means more than words to me, our friendship and yeah it is relatively new but it is good.

Until later,
Tyler

bafflingly amazing

i pray for all a great day.
i pray that they learn to be true.
i pray for the future.
i pray for today.
i pray that you see it too.
i pray for another day on this wonderful planet.
i pray to seek you.
i pray to feel you.
i pray to you.
amen.

The Coldest Heart

Its been a while since Ive updated but I guess there hasnt been much to write about. Honestly its been the same ole stuff going on and then again I have to say I have experienced a few different things.
I went out to Tabu about a month ago which was a ton of fun.

My parents allowed me to spend the night in Charleston while helping Ash with moving out.

Ive met a lot of people and really am glad that I got the chance to get to know these people.

As much as thes are fun to do there is still a void in my life. I dont know why but that void has yet to be filled. Its been one year since I have had a relationship with someone. That my friends is way long. As many times as I have had "interests" or flings, I lacked an actual relationship. I know for a fact that there is not a "Attn Females: run from me" sign on my forehead. It just seems there is not many or any girls interested in me. And no I dont just want a relationship just to have one, I want a meaningful one. None of that relationship crap that is a show in public and absolutely nothing at home, I want it all. But there in lies a problem, no one is there to give me a chance. I know I will probably get the same responses as I always have but I dont want that. I am trying to change this, an honest effort.

Whoa, I'm losing hope
There's a hole in my heart
That's been cut out of stone
Whoa, cold comes cold goes
Could you fill this hole?
Cause I can't do it alone
-"The Coldest Heart" by The Classic Crime

...And The Rest Will Follow

So it seems my hiatus although short lived was a good thing.
It was quite interesting logging back on to 5 inbox and a load of other notifications and what not.
Just so you know facebook... you werent missed.
Just the people associated with you.

I have recently put a lot more thought into the future.
I have set a goal for myself however laufty it may be.
I want to visit each of the 50 states and Canada and Mexico.
At least before I have a kid if not before I am 25.
Already having 9 states taken care of, the rest should come in time.
Hawai'i in 2009 is going to be fun!
I hope that I can get the group to come along.
That would honestly be the most amazing thing imaginable.
Being with my best friends 6,ooo miles away from home.
I hope this happens.
Cam says he can get us a hook up on base.
This is still a calendar away.
But im excited for getting to go to the northeast this summer before work and school.
Maine would be a blast to get to.

I digress with this last little bit of a detour:
I miss you.
You probably dont know who you are.
I actually miss a lot of you.
Has graduating and "moving on" really changed our friendships so much that its almost nonexistant?

Blogs are for drama

I dont know what to say.
I really dont.
No matter what I do
I cant seem to be happy.
I cant seem to find anyone.
I dont know what to think any more.
I feel sad and alone.
I know you are out there.
I just need a chance.
There are plenty of single girls,
But why am I not getting a glance.
I just hate this so much.
I get asked why I am not doing something about it.
But I am.
I am trying hard and yet I am not at all.
It feels like I am not good enough.
And no I dont want to hear the:
"you just havent found the right person yet"
or
"be patient"
I dont want that.
Its been a year since I dated someone.
I want to have a relationship again.
I want to make a girl happy to be around me.
I want this so bad.
It almost feels like
I have to prove myself all over again.
Give me a sign.Give me a chance.
Give me someone to love.

Caveman Jam

This is not easy for me.
Usually I do not just open up on a canvas or medium such as this.
Maybe the occasional myspace blog but nothing this "regular".
Hopefully I can unravel long enough to catch myself on a computer screen.

Its been 10 long agonizing months since I last enjoyed the oppritunity of having a relationship.
10 months.
Just thinking about it hurts my head.
But why not just chill out?
Thats my problem.
I cannot just chill out.
I seem to be incapable of such unless I am under the influence of medication like the ones they gave me after my surgery. (which I will have an update later on)
But thinking about all the possibilties and how much I want things to work with you hurt.
Seriously I have tried and not tried.
But no matter how much I show people I care or be myself I still seem to get disappointed or just plain stiffled by the simple fact that I am alone.
This has got to get better right?
Well I find out that you are just fooling with me.
You are not who I thought you were.
You are not that great person I thought you were.
You disappoint me.
You just fooling with my like im your pawn.
And I say this with all due respect-- STOP SCREWING WITH ME!
Now as I turn my focus to something else or someone else I should say my mind just fills with anger.
You do realize you are destroying what made people happy by your selfish stupidity.
You are such a coward.
You act as if I am not good enough for you.
And whatever is what I say.
Screw you!
Screw your selfish ways, I hope you have a nice life being manipulative and absolutely disgusting you antagonistic punk!
Continuing from that I hope you have a nice day.
This blog will be updated "regularly" or whatever.
I must say I wish you the best and God Bless you.