...And The Rest Will Follow

So it seems my hiatus although short lived was a good thing.
It was quite interesting logging back on to 5 inbox and a load of other notifications and what not.
Just so you know facebook... you werent missed.
Just the people associated with you.

I have recently put a lot more thought into the future.
I have set a goal for myself however laufty it may be.
I want to visit each of the 50 states and Canada and Mexico.
At least before I have a kid if not before I am 25.
Already having 9 states taken care of, the rest should come in time.
Hawai'i in 2009 is going to be fun!
I hope that I can get the group to come along.
That would honestly be the most amazing thing imaginable.
Being with my best friends 6,ooo miles away from home.
I hope this happens.
Cam says he can get us a hook up on base.
This is still a calendar away.
But im excited for getting to go to the northeast this summer before work and school.
Maine would be a blast to get to.

I digress with this last little bit of a detour:
I miss you.
You probably dont know who you are.
I actually miss a lot of you.
Has graduating and "moving on" really changed our friendships so much that its almost nonexistant?

Blogs are for drama

I dont know what to say.
I really dont.
No matter what I do
I cant seem to be happy.
I cant seem to find anyone.
I dont know what to think any more.
I feel sad and alone.
I know you are out there.
I just need a chance.
There are plenty of single girls,
But why am I not getting a glance.
I just hate this so much.
I get asked why I am not doing something about it.
But I am.
I am trying hard and yet I am not at all.
It feels like I am not good enough.
And no I dont want to hear the:
"you just havent found the right person yet"
or
"be patient"
I dont want that.
Its been a year since I dated someone.
I want to have a relationship again.
I want to make a girl happy to be around me.
I want this so bad.
It almost feels like
I have to prove myself all over again.
Give me a sign.Give me a chance.
Give me someone to love.

Caveman Jam

This is not easy for me.
Usually I do not just open up on a canvas or medium such as this.
Maybe the occasional myspace blog but nothing this "regular".
Hopefully I can unravel long enough to catch myself on a computer screen.

Its been 10 long agonizing months since I last enjoyed the oppritunity of having a relationship.
10 months.
Just thinking about it hurts my head.
But why not just chill out?
Thats my problem.
I cannot just chill out.
I seem to be incapable of such unless I am under the influence of medication like the ones they gave me after my surgery. (which I will have an update later on)
But thinking about all the possibilties and how much I want things to work with you hurt.
Seriously I have tried and not tried.
But no matter how much I show people I care or be myself I still seem to get disappointed or just plain stiffled by the simple fact that I am alone.
This has got to get better right?
Well I find out that you are just fooling with me.
You are not who I thought you were.
You are not that great person I thought you were.
You disappoint me.
You just fooling with my like im your pawn.
And I say this with all due respect-- STOP SCREWING WITH ME!
Now as I turn my focus to something else or someone else I should say my mind just fills with anger.
You do realize you are destroying what made people happy by your selfish stupidity.
You are such a coward.
You act as if I am not good enough for you.
And whatever is what I say.
Screw you!
Screw your selfish ways, I hope you have a nice life being manipulative and absolutely disgusting you antagonistic punk!
Continuing from that I hope you have a nice day.
This blog will be updated "regularly" or whatever.
I must say I wish you the best and God Bless you.